How to say "I" in Chinese

My brother sent me this.
{translation in brackets like this}

有一個老外為了學好漢語，不遠萬里，來到中國，拜師于一位國學教授門下。第一天老外想挑一個簡單詞彙學習，便向老師請教英語「I」在漢語中應該如何說。
(A foreigner, wanting to learn Chinese, travels a long distance to China to find a Chinese Literature professor. On first day, the foreigner wants to start with a simple term. He asks the professor the Chinese equivalant of "I".)


老師解釋道：中國是一個官本位國家，當你處在不同的級別、地位，「I」也有不同的變化，就像：
(Teacher explains: Chinese respects status. As your rank or status changes, “I” also has the different form. For example:)


你們英語中的形容詞有原級、比較級、最高級一樣。比如，你剛來中國，沒有地位，對普通人可以說：「我、咱、俺、余、吾、予、儂、某、咱家、洒家、俺咱、本人、個人、人家、吾儂、我儂。」
(Like adjectives in English has different comparative degree, so is I. For instance, you being just came to China, do not have any status, you may use to an average person: “我、咱、俺、余、吾、予、儂、某、咱家、洒家、俺咱、本人、個人、人家、吾儂、我儂。”)


如果見到老師、長輩和上級，則應該說：「區區、僕、鄙、愚、走、鄙人、卑人、敝人、鄙夫、鄙軀、鄙愚、貧身、小子、小可、在下、末學、小生、不佞、不才、不材、小材、不肖、不孝、不類、走狗、牛馬走、愚小子、鄙生、貧生、學生、後學、晚生、?學、後生晚學、予末小子、予小子、餘小子。」
(If you see a teacher, an elder or a person at a higher authority, then should use:"區區、僕、鄙、愚、走、鄙人、卑人、敝人、鄙夫、鄙軀、鄙愚、貧身、小子、小可、在下、末學、小生、不佞、不才、不材、小材、不肖、不孝、不類、走狗、牛馬走、愚小子、鄙生、貧生、學生、後學、晚生、?學、後生晚學、予末小子、予小子、餘小子。")


等到你當了官以後，見到上級和皇帝，則應該說：「職、卑職、下官、臣、臣子、小臣、鄙臣、愚臣、奴婢、奴才、小人、老奴、小的、小底。」
After you become an official, when you see the higher authority and emperor, then should use: "職、卑職、下官、臣、臣子、小臣、鄙臣、愚臣、奴婢、奴才、小人、老奴、小的、小底"


見到平級，則可以說：「愚兄、為兄、小弟、兄弟、愚弟、哥們。」
(When you meet other colleague, you can use: "愚兄、為兄、小弟、兄弟、愚弟、哥們")


見到下級，則可以說：「爺們、老子、大老子、你老子、乃公。」
(In front of the subordinate, then may say: "爺們、老子、大老子、你老子、乃公")

如果你混得好，當上了皇帝或王爺，則可以說：「朕、孤、孤王、孤家、寡人、不轂。」
(If you become the amperor, you say:"朕、孤、孤王、孤家、寡人、不轂")

如果你不願意當官，只好去當和尚、道士，則應該說：「貧道、小道、貧僧、貧衲、不慧、小僧、野僧、老衲、老僧。」
(If you are not willing to be an official, and become a buddhist priest or taoist priest, then should say:"貧道、小道、貧僧、貧衲、不慧、小僧、野僧、老衲、老僧")


最後一點必須注意，一旦你退休了，便一下子失去了權利和地位，見人也矮了三分，只好說：「老朽、老拙、老夫、愚老、老叟、小老、小老兒、老漢、老可、老軀、老僕、老物、朽人、老我、老骨頭。」
(Last, once you have retired, then all of a sudden you have lost the right and the status, you had to call yourself: "老朽、老拙、老夫、愚老、老叟、小老、小老兒、老漢、老可、老軀、老僕、老物、朽人、老我、老骨頭")


上面一百零八種'I'，僅僅是男性的常用說法。更多的'I'明天講解。
(The above 108 kinds of 'I', is for the male only. More ' I' explanation tomorrow.)

老外聽了老師一席話，頓覺冷水澆頭,一個晚上沒有睡好覺。第二天一大早便向老師辭行：'學生、愚、不材、末學、走。'退了房間，訂了機票，回國去了。
(After hearing all these, the foreigner feels like a bucket of cold water has poured all over him. That night, he cannot sleep. Next day, he says to the professor: "學生、愚、不材、末學、走。" Checks out from the hotel, buys an airplane ticket, returns home.)